itwas0nly

itwas0nly_akiss

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*Why Do I Do This*

[Feb. 11th, 2006|09:30 pm]

[	mood	\|	emotionally drained	]
[	music	\|	Train - Drops Of Jupiter	]

So... go back about a year n' a half. Well that's how far back I went tonight with guys and heartbreaks. I don't know why I do this to myself... it's so pointles to re-live pain the way I do. I reflected on all the mistakes i've made, and the pattern I keep falling into with relationships. I keep trying to figure out what i'm doing wrong, why I keep ending up like this. I've never gotten a straight answer from a guy. It's always these stupid excuses. Seriously, since like effing elementary school. It's sad. Maybe they don't feel like I can take it. But obviously if I can take what they're doing, I can take the reason they're doing it. I wish every guy who's hurt me could read this and understand. Maybe they'll feel like an ass, and finally feel like I deserve to know the truth. I don't think it's ever too late to fix something, even if it's not a big deal anymore. I mean I know guys make mistakes but they don't have to do it and be stupid about it. And now the only guy that I think is worth anything i'm sure doesn't like me. But i'm glad through all of this something good has come. I know everything I want in a guy it's just the matter of finding him... and him wanting me. I just wish guys knew what they wanted so they wouldn't keep hurting me. Gr.

Okay well that was definitely the longest entry i've written.

Here's hope for it getting better

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[Feb. 11th, 2006|09:17 pm]

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